The Journey Ends Here

Approximately 14 hours from now I will be heading home; the very place that my comfort zone is situated. This will mark the end of the 2nd Aussie adventure which lasted about 7 months.

In those 7 months, life was great but can be better. Meeting new people and getting to know some people more intimately was the best thing that could happen in this adventure.

What I’ve learned so far?

Many things ranging from marketing and finance majors of which I need to study in order to pass the exams. I can proudly say, I worked for it instead of merely scrapping through.

Besides that, another valuable knowledge I learned while over here is the people whom I met. I learned not to trust every individual that crosses my path and always look at them with a face that says ‘I am not the one you should be messing with’. Some people of which I developed close relations ended when their true nature were revealed, these so called friends are better off then not meeting at all. After spending approximately 1 year and 6 months here, I can boldly say, ‘I know who my true friends’ are’.

To top that up, I learned to listen. I always thought I was a good listener but then I myself proved me wrong. Over here, silence was golden; one can laugh real loud inside hearing all those bullshit from those ‘ang mohs’ who are just toothless dogs barking. This lesson, I will keep for a long time.

To concluded, tonight is the last night and I shall sleep on it.

Good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams---one last time in Aussie land.

A Story of 2 – Chapter 6

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

It has been for almost 2 weeks since I first and last saw Angel. It can be said for that we totally lost contact. Here I am ever busy with my work and also feeling rather insanely freaked out by the reconciliation attempt by Erin. That relationship with her should not have taken place, a bad mistake by my part; I was lonely and may be perhaps horny too. Or perhaps, at that time I just wanted someone to be there for me, supporting me as Erin left to a foreign country to work commitment; selfish I may be, but in the end, if life isn’t about oneself, then what can it be!

If memory serves me right, it was on the 17th of January, while scrooling and checking out Harry’s website of which I promised him to visit it long time ago, there it was; a wonderful yet amusing testimonial by Angel for Harry. Wasting no time, with plenty of effort and determination, I somehow manage to locate her internet through a social network service website. With the wonders of internet, this world as we know it is really small. This is so true for me as we share the same social network service; a perfect opportunity to know her further. Ever quickly I added her in my list of contacts.

It took a mere two days later before some contact popped out in my messenger, having no idea who it was and could not make out who uses that email address, I rejected it only to discover the truth later in that day. That afternoon I receive a mail from Angel via the network service. She sounded rather scary and fierce but I like…arrrggg. Knowing that she might be angry or just simply playing or I am overly sensitive, I tried to look for her email so that it could be added in the messenger. At long last, through thick and thin supplemented with blood and sweat, I finally found it, all in all, no more than 10 minutes.

Ever since that day, chatting with her seems like a normal routine for the both of us. I was committed to a full time job, while she was working part time in some management firm. As a consequent, we met up rather regularly via the messenger from dawn till dust and we chat about everything that we can think off! I dared not tell anyone, not even a soul, because I do not want Erin to lay more pressure on me though we have broken up. You see, she still thinks we still have hope of reuniting. I do not want to give her any false hope neither do I want to be cruel by shutting her off. Lay in front is choices and I have to make that distinctive choice between being cruel to her or being cruel to myself. Miserably, I did not choose. I was like a man with a goal ahead, but without any directions to achieve it.

The feelings for Angel soon developed, and yet I told no one. Of all people, Harry was the most deserving person to know about it, but I chose not to tell him. Angel is his cousin and I know he is a very protective person when comes to family. Earnestly, I do not want him to worry about his cousin neither do I want him to nag at me because of the mess I am in now with Erin.

A Story of 2 – Chapter 5

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Freedom that is what I am looking for in a relationship. It really pisses me off when comes to boy girl love, things I usually do, say and work are restrained from showing its full potential. I hated it and totally dislikes it what so ever.

For 6 months Erin and I been dated and for almost that long time, I felt restrained. It just does not feel right, she have total control over me, the best part was, I am the man in this relationship; simply fantastic. At times when I am busy with work, Erin expects me to call her every now and then, even if I did, it will last no more than 10 minutes. Calling her was no longer a yearning or even of free will. It has begun to creep into the realms of, “I need to”, “I am obliged” and “I am forced to make her happy though I may be superbly tired or stressed out or even both”.

Where happen to me and my needs, desires and wants. If memory serves me right, I was not alone in this relationship and since when I became the servant of her needs, desires and wants. Unhappily, I gave in initially and it did not take long before I begin to hate it.

Happiness in a relationship, from my point of view, is where both party involved, with all their means and efforts, searching and at times comply to each other needs, desires and wants. Giving in at certain moments may be important for those happy sparkles in their eyes. However, imagine giving in all the time with no return or even a prospect of receiving any, I wonder how long can this last. At some point of time, I feel that it was my duty to make her happy but deep down inside me, I felt the pressure, the burden and also the tiredness I had inside me.

Since the day she left, all hell broke loose. I thought that I could once again regain my freedom of becoming a man I use to be, but no, I was wrong, so wrong indeed. I have to call her everyday to report myself, not even mentioning those tons of SMS. Though I may be the man of her dreams, however, a relationship do not only requires love but also those sparks that make it memorable and to die for. It is all about those indescribable feelings and funny little ways that makes it long lasting. Because of the lack of such dept between Erin and me, we broke up in such an ugly manner

Finally, I called for a break up over the phone. No, I am not a coward by breaking up on the phone; she was in Germany at that time, on long term commitment. With those pressures being with her, all those involuntary commitments and now long distance, I have totally enough of this.

Truthfully, I wanted someone who is always there when I need a hug. Someone who is independent but dependent on you for love, that was all I asked for, is that too much to ask?

Though we officially parted ways through the phone, I did not know that Erin will still haunts me in months to come. At the same time, how much I wish Angel was here, just physically here was enough and that is what I wish for. However, I know that I can never be so selfish by having 2 different girls in my heart or dating 2 at the same time. I know I had to make a decision, a real quick and wise decision before I go totally insane with Erin bugging me for reconciliation.

All this while, Harry was the one there hearing and giving suggestive feedbacks. He was the one who went through thick and thin with me during the entire course leading to the break up with Erin. He was the only person who was able to understand me and also the person who I am able to turn to.

A Story of 2 – Chapter 4

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Sometimes it makes one wonder, can fun be ever lasting. The answer is almost always no. Fun and laughter never last but it will always reoccur as part of our memory; those moments that we actually enjoyed ourselves. That day, I did enjoy myself in the company of my close friend and his girlfriend, Harry and Cynthia. To top that up, I was having a great time with Angel.

As everything comes to an end, so does our mini inner childhood fun has to come to a conclusion, for that day at least. Before we head to the car, an idea struck me, let’s do some piggy back. Within a flash, Harry tries to convince Cynthia to piggy back him, how ‘thoughtful’. In my eyes, both of them are always happy, they truly enjoy each other company. In that relationship, Harry almost always the thoughtful person while Cynthia adds sparkles with her silly little ways. However, at times, Harry can be really violent with his raging anger, something of which I scarcely and hoped not to see.

Without a doubt, the challenge was on. Whosoever reaches the car first, wins the race. Having no other choice, Angel has to let me piggy back her; I was so sure of it, though in reality she can always reject it. What surprise me was, she did not reject it but instead asked me to kneel down so that she can get ready.

With the whistling sound of my fart, the race was on. At first we were of equal speed, and then, he was about two steps in front and gaining. In order not to lose face, I summoned all my strength with a win in mind. As I was chasing from behind, Cynthia begins to lose grip of Harry, soon, he begins to slow down substantially to re-adjust the grip of Cynthia, bad mistake buddy. Within seconds, I overtook him and reached the car at neck breaking speed, making F1 feels like an amateur racing.

On the side note, the grip of Angel and her body rubbing on me while we were racing actually makes me feel good. To be honest, I can’t find the right word to describe that feeling. Dejectedly, I have to submit, that feeling was indeed horny.

Once in the car, we choose to return home. As Harry and Cynthia talking so softly in front, Angel and I have our very own soft conversation too. Our discussion basically covers all those introduction questions and answers, not even remotely comparing to those intimate conversations happening in front of the car.

That fateful day was the 28th of December; the very day I first saw and know Angel.

A Story of 2 – Chapter 3

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

While having such a good conversation with Angel and Cynthia more important trying to create a positive impression, then she called. The whole car fell silent; not a word, even the radio was off. I felt that everyone is the car was all out assault to hear my chat over the phone. Won’t it be obvious that everyone heard what I got to say to her? Come one, bunch of busy bodies, I can’t even imagine, my close friend would off the radio!! Frustration to the max, the pressures of which it did not took long for the rest of the people in the car to notice whoever was on the other end.

The person on the other end was Erin, my girlfriend of 6 months and counting. She left Malaysia for good of which gives me a perfect reason to break up with her. You would not want to imagine those difficulties I faced with her during the course of our relationship. Back to the main story shall we…

Before I knew it, we reached my aunt’s place. Ever quickly, I got out the car with the laptop in hand and headed towards the gate. For unknown reason, my aunt did not open the gate despite the scorching heat of Malaysia, initially. But there it was, the cute little thing screaming in joy running towards the opening gate. That cute little thing was my baby cousin sister, which I am totally fond of playing with. I like playing and talking to her, may be because she was young and wonderful to be with or may be because all the other cousins were of no fun and overly mature despite being around the same age with me.

After passing the laptop and saying good by to baby cousin sister, Harry decides to head for the local mamak for a drink or two. But then, I suggested we head towards the nearby park because I was too darn full to even drink a sip of water. Sometimes it really scratches my head trying to figure out how much Harry can eat and drink, true to words, most of the time his stomach is bottomless. Getting along with that is a challenge itself.

Nothing beats the fun of exploring your inner childhood in a playground. Once out of the car, as usual, Harry will reach for his cigarettes while the rest of us walk in joy discovering our inner child.

At first, we played with man made stone infested walk path, barefooted. It was suppose to be good for you; improving blood circulation and all those crap. Oh well, as a saying goes, what hurt is good, but that short walk was one hack of a pain to forget and definitely not good for me. Harry decided to give it a go seeing that we have so much ‘fun’. He launched his bare left foot first and then ever slowly his right. He stood there froze, his face was squirting in pain, he can’t speak a word, not even a sound. But then, that was not a problem because the rest of us were laughing so loudly making it more than enough noise.

As Harry was trying to move his frozen feet, we moved to the seesaw, playing balancing act and of course who weight more. It was me in one end and Cynthia in the other. Of course I am heavier than her despite losing several pounds; it will be highly unlikely for me to be lighter, though it is not impossible. Later, Angel decides to sit behind Cynthia and in no time they were heavier than me. Despite being up there, it did not make me vulnerable, with swift arse supplemented agile leg action; I was able to bounce the seesaw up and down till it hurts their butt.

Then almost from no where…boom…I came crashing down to earth. To say my butt did not hurt is a big lie. It was Harry; somehow manage to move from the stone infested walk path, which helped the girls to crash landed me.

Later, Harry sat on one corner while I boldly challenged him in a dual to see who is heavier. Sadly he beats me while having both of his feet firmly lifting the seesaw. Cynthia decided to join me in my quest but then we were still unable to lift him. He was laughing so loud while boasting his superior of weight. Because of this, I vow to bring him up on the seesaw and convinced Angel to join the path. With 3 people in one corner of the seesaw, we manage to lift Harry up…that big fat baboon.

A Story of 2 – Chapter 2

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

Chapter 1

On the day we first met, she was wearing a beige top with black pants of which she looked so attractive in. In the end, she ordered a plate of salad topped with extra hot peri-peri sauce as her lunch.

Harry had spinach soup and a huge set of food. On the interesting note, according to the menu, the spinach soup was refillable for free. So basically it is all you can eat, that’s how we interpreted it. Not believing in how we understood it, he asked the waiter numerous times about the spinach soup free refillable conditions, if exist. Honestly, the waiter’s hairstyle reminds me of a cartoon character on TV but somehow I was unable to name that character. It was until Harry, who popped that out, the freaking waiter looks like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons cartoon.

For the whole entire time during the course of our meal, Harry and I were consistently making fun out of the waiter and another waitress by calling them ‘handsome’ and ‘gorgeous’. As that fun stopped dead, Harry irritates them more by continuingly asking for the spinach soup refill until another waiter came and told him that the soup is not actually free refillable. Knowing that Harry will not let them go easily, he countered that particular waiter’s statement with critical points from the menu which do not provide any ‘in between lines’ of conditions neither did the other waiter said anything when he was asked numerous times. Finally, feeling heavily defeated by the swift talking Harry, the waiter walked off feeling rather embarrassed.

Perhaps to inflict more embarrassment to the waiter, Harry called him to our table. To his surprise, Harry called for the bill. Not trying to brag, our table easily could be the highest sales they may get for that day, or even for the week, mostly contributed by Harry’s humongous eating appetite.

Thanks to those extra hot peri-peri sauce, Angel’s lips was red and slightly swollen, making it rather sexy, I like.

Soon thereafter, I asked the close friend of mine to drop me off home to change the pants as it was beginning to really annoy. As usual, once I stepped out of the car, heading into the house, Harry will get off and start smoking. Frankly I do not blame him, because at times I may take rather too long to change and this friend of mine know it too well. Before long we were in the car heading to my aunt’s place.

The whole journey took no more than 20 minutes as Harry knows the way there and he was not speeding. I begin to talk to Angel most of the time and Cynthia at times. I was complaining about the figure hugging pair of pants I wore and also brag how much weight I lost in the past months. Sweet talking here and there and of course supplemented with my irresistible jokes. The only person who was almost always immune to it was Harry, he hardly drop a smile, what so ever.

A Story of 2 – Chapter 1

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

It was one of those hot and dry days in Malaysia when I decided to accompany Harry, a very close friend of mine, for lunch with 2 girls in the nearby Nando’s after he agreed to fetch me to my aunt place so that I can return the laptop which I borrowed.

As I was peacefully getting ready, then all of the sudden Harry called. Knowing that he will call once he is outside the house, I did not bother to answer and quickly picked the laptop and reach for the house keys. Call me Mr. Forgetful, I totally forgotten to put on my belt as the pants I was wearing were loose; thanks to the lost of weight in recent months. This turn out to be a hassle for me because for the whole entire lunch with Harry, I was consistently pulling the pants up.

Enough of my pants for now…

As ever, Harry was patiently waiting for me in his car and of course with his girlfriend, Cynthia, right beside the driver’s seat. But my eyes weren’t fixed onto those happy couple but more to the girl at the back sit. As I jumped into the car, totally ignoring that girl, I began talking to Harry and Cynthia. It has been an awfully long time since I last saw Cynthia, the last I saw her was about a week before she left Malaysia for Adelaide. Those times we shared together chatting almost everything under the sky was memorable.

In less than 5 minutes we were in the car park looking for any favorable parking spots. It did not take long before Harry zoomed into the spot, on the side note; the car park was mostly empty. As we get down from the car, I left the laptop in the car seat; totally disregards the laptop thievery which was spiraling across the state. As we headed down to Nando’s, while still ignoring the girl, Harry was basically asking me to reconsider putting the laptop in the car. Honestly, I paid almost no attention to Harry as my imagination was flowing towards that girl Harry brought with him.

It was until we walk past a notice board warning car owners not to leave their laptops in the car, only did I heed his advice. Quickly I asked him to pass me the car keys and asked him to accompany to the car. But no, he did not, he rather wait at Nando’s than accompany me, what a great friend of mine. Feeling dejected, I hastily walked to the car and brought the laptop to Nando’s.

Once I reached there, they were preparing to order lunch, only then it struck me again, I do not recall my wallet was almost empty, I was totally flat broke except for some coins. While scrolling down the menu, I begin to beg Harry to spend me lunch. Initially he came out with tons of excuses in order not to spend me but I know the old Harry I befriended with; almost always he will foot the bill when I have no cash.

However, that day was different; the girl he brought along was his cousin who decides to buy Harry lunch. Only then did he introduce me to her, her name was Angel. By then, I had introduced myself and in no time we started talking, though it was short and few but it is as though we knew each other for a long time, while we decide what to order for lunch.

‘Not So Good’

Generally speaking there are 2 obvious schools of thought about morality; one is to be good while the other is to do good. The first is the real morality whereas the other may be the only a means to an end. Many people say, one can be good to do good, but in my opinion, this is rare. As how I see it, people do good actions appear to be entirely altruistic yet fundamentally they are egoistic, motivated by acquisitiveness, desire for merits, bliss, heaven, reward, fear of resulting punishment or combinations of the mentioned. And you guess it right, I am bitching about the people around me that I know. But no, you are wrong because I am not going to name those people. I rather not talk about them and their ‘great’ behaviors, that’s so not me.

I have met people who admits to their ‘not so good’ actions and to me these people are well better off comparing to those who tries to justify their ‘not so good’ actions while denying and pretending to be innocent. Shakespeare expresses this beautifully in one of his works where Lady Macbeth told her husband before he kills the king, ‘be like the innocent flower but be the serpent under it’. This truly illustrates ‘not so good’ hypocrite’s intentions are not seen until it is too late.

What do these people profit, even though they can be freaking rich, fortunate and enjoying all those great things in life, when they are not even virtuous, charitable and benevolent? To put it in a good way I shall use an example, a modified version of what I heard many years ago.

This type of ‘not so good’ people is like living on their own capital account, constantly withdrawing from the bank without making positive deposits. Before they knows it, they are well broke, penniless and of course all alone. Then they start cursing and blaming those who did not help them in their time of need till the extent of blaming god and fate. Honestly, for me at least, they have no one to blame for their ‘not so good’ actions but they themselves.

‘The greatest difficulty in life lies not so much as making the choice between good and evil as the choice between good and good”
~~Santayana~~

Morality should not be taken only at a personal level but to be practiced by all members of society. A person may think that he can get away with the performance of ‘not so good’ actions and may even be tempted to adopt the ‘not so good’ moral values glorified on TV. However, nobody can or may escape the consequences of this person’s ‘not so good’ actions and no society can be peaceful as long as there are such people around.

In addition, people in positions of power should uphold moral principles since their actions have profound effects in those who are below them. As I said, I am not going to mention names….go figure.

Numbered

My days in the second Aussie adventure are numbered. With about two and the half week to go before I return to the country I call home. Home to the beautiful people which I grew accustomed to and the wide variety of food which I love and miss so very much.

Come to think of it, time really flies when you least expected it. It seems like yesterday when I arrived in Aussie-land a year and half ago for the first Aussie adventure. Before long, I was introduced to DOTA by the wonderful people I befriended with in less than a month. Life was fairly good, but, there is a feeling missing, the feeling of home warmth. Yes I was home sick, Aussie-land is not my comfort zone, and in fact it is 8.5 hours by plane away from the comfort I call home.

First Aussies adventure was full of pleasures and pressures that left me with great memories. One of the distinctive pleasures was the ‘freedom’ from my parents. No more mother nagging here and there and definitely no one there to tell you what to do and what not to do. Oh yes, freedom that comes with a feeling like no other. And yet, with this freedom things I did do not feel right, may be because there is no one there to nag and brood over what ever I do or may be because there wasn’t anyone who complains about the things I done.

Another memorable pleasure was the DOTA 5 man team; a team of 5 individuals who see each almost every day. This team was never difficult to be spotted; this is because for almost 4 hours a day, they hang out around the cyber café playing DOTA. Besides that, they are always seen smoking which creates an environment similar to a chimney airing the smokes away. ~~sigh~~ those great old days of pawning people in ‘battlenet’ which makes our team basically the defeat-able.

Perhaps the most worthy of pressures to mention were the two weeks spent in the computer labs. Those were the craziest time in my study life, I say. Oh well, it can’t be blamed, the marketing research assignment was about to due and then there were piles of calculations, graphs, tables, beautiful essays and findings need to be done. And of course those ‘ang moh’ in the research team are no help at all.

Yet, I am sitting here; typing this out while savoring those memories of the Aussie adventures knowing the fact my time here is coming to a close. Will I miss this place once I return home? Guess I have to answer that at another time and place.

The great old DOTA 5 man team; gay.rat, Aston, gay.bear69, tom_hiro and e2e

Special Friends

Among my friends, to be exact, among all my ‘hing tais’ there are two person who stands out when I was in need of a company. Being isolated from the warm family members and close friends, both of them aid me in the solidarity life of the second Aussie adventure, hence, making it less boring.

Firstly there was Squid the man whom I meet since Form 1 or 9 years ago, and soon it will be 10 years. All I know about him back then was from some other friends from his class which goes by the nickname of ‘Haitop’, in other words, the name of his school bag. It took a full year before we have a serious conversation. It all begun with me calling him ‘Haitop’. His beautiful reply was, “WTF!!!! Do not call me that k” with full of passion and vigor. What happened next was part of history to this wonderful friendship. As of 2002, the year we entered college, he became the official hing tai of mine.

For a month, he sacrificed his precious DOTA time to entertain me. At first he was the pro in Tower Defense, part of the WarCraft custom games, but then it took me less than a week to be the pro. It was really funny as I in turn told him what to build and how to play different custom maps. But overall he is a fun guy to be.

Last year when we were in Malaysia chilling, after all it was summer vacation, I can proudly say, it was the best time we had since his departure to NZ. Sadly, this time around, he is not returning to Malaysia for the summer vacations though I would love him to come home and continue where we left off.

Ps: study for your exam la dude, stop DOTA-ing

Lastly or secondly to be politically correct, there was HL. Between the ‘hing tais’ he is the closest to me and we share many similar characteristics, ranging from car’s modifications to food. The best part was I knew him without any formal introductions. It took less than a mere few days before we started sharing secrets, driving each other cars and of course a lot of yumcha-ing. And a few days after that, we were ‘hing tais’.

There is only one word I can describe this friend of mine, a friend in need is a friend in deed. He is the perfect person I turn to when faced with difficulties, only in regards to relationship problems. He is a practically cheerful person with a dark side which I strongly encourage to other people not to see. When I am bored and nothing better to do, he is the man I chat with; most of it were measly day dreaming topics.

My advise to people who wants to consider making him your ‘hing tai’, this friend of mine really knows how to exploit that word, so beware, you are warned. But overall he is a gentle soul with great humor and flirting skills. By the way, he is my official future office superior and I know that I will get loads of grilling from him.

Thank you both for making my life less miserable while I ‘enjoy’ the second Aussie adventure. Honestly, I can’t wait to see you both and take pleasure in those great time out we shared in the past. No worries, the future is long, our friendship story will continue.

Thoughts Gone Wild

This is neither a feeling nor is it a liking or may be I am just wrong. Well, how should I begin in explaining my unguarded thoughts?

A couple of weeks ago HL forwarded me a friendster link of this girl he met in his class. Honestly, she is quite good looking, not really those I would call pretty or ‘chunted’ but above average if I have to rate. Seeing her picture through friendster did not spark my thoughts but it was a conversation with her that started all this nonsense.

A few days back, HL decides to add her into our conversation via the messenger. For unknown reason, my messenger repeatedly disconnect of which I grew very agitated off. Besides that, the lack of sleep in the recent months played a crucial factor in my impatient-ness to tolerate something.

2 days after that, I manage to chat with her. Our conversation was good, from my point of view of course, but little did I know she begin to somewhat dislikes me, and I definitely knows why. You see, I have been reading this sexual communicating thingy recently and decided to give it a try by applying ‘cocky and funny’ theory. And you guess it; it did not turn up well. Sincerely, I was really disappointed in myself to use that theory; all I can offer was being myself, of which I failed to do even that. I really wanted her to notice me, not as someone in her life but as me, to know of my existence that I am interested in her, not as someone.

The very next day, HL literally sounded me for being an idiot over the messenger. Yes without a doubt, I totally agree with him, I was an idiot who tries to create an image to a girl whom I do not know and not being myself, I deserve nothing more but condemnation. At that point, my thoughts went wild;

Every time I close my eyes, I think of her. Every time I do something, I think of her. Every time I check the messenger, I really hope it was her who messages me. To top that up, for the past few months I have not had a good night sleep. This issue just makes it worse.

Do not get me wrong, all my thoughts have nothing to do with sex what so ever. From my point of view, sex is not really important in a relationship, though there are a lot of people out there who disagrees with me. My thoughts revolved around, me being with her holding hands, cuddling on a chair and just plain talking intimately. At times, when I close my eyes, I think of being there with her in time of need as the one to assure her there is nothing to worry for. While at times, just being there to share the moment together.

Truthfully, I find it silly because my thoughts are almost exactly what all guys want to do with the girl they like or love. Sadly, I do not know what to do, how do I get rid of these thoughts which is pretty screwing with me?

The best part of it all, I have not met her and won’t that make it weird to actually fall for a person? Like Savage Garden puts it, “I knew I love you before I met you.”

These thoughts make me wanting to see her, wanting to know her and wanting to be with her and yet I have not met her.

I am so confuse…ish…ish…ish

Does It Matter

Is it really important how people look and judge you? Is there a way out?

I am really not sure how to answer this but I will do my best. Some of my friends can be really stressed out on how other people think, look, judge and talk about them. More specifically I mean by, they can get pretty upset over negative remarks.

Sometimes it is rather difficult to tell a friend that they should not be overly obsessed in how people feel and think about them. Their words, gossips and bad mouthing do not hurt anyone, may be perhaps pride. But instead of taking it as words, people tend to take it very personally, to an extend they themselves start bitching about other people. Sad to say, I am the victim of listening to my friends yelling over their displeasures regarding those so call ‘bad mouthing people’ (enemies) via the msn. Technically, what those people think about others does not hurt, for me at least. However, it really sickens me to hear almost the same story over and over again from different individuals, and this sucks, big time.

It is very common to hear from people bad mouthing someone who is plain nice and friendly. If you pay close attention, you can in point of fact sense that these people are really bitching about someone they actually wanted to be but were unable to do so. Being nice is not a wrong, it is never a flaw and definitely do not make some one nice inferior. One particular friend of mine feels she is at a lost being herself, being nice. Honestly, those people can and may bad mouth all they want, because sooner or later people around them will notice. In my opinion, these people won’t go far in the society. As they bitch about others, they tend to show their weaknesses, weaknesses of who they are not.

‘People blame others for their silence. They also blame those who talk much or in moderation. There is, therefore, no one in this world who is not blamed’
~~Buddha~~

The reaction that I would get as I explore this ‘hatred’ within my friends, the ‘victims’ of insults, is nothing more of an unwholesome and hatred build inside themselves projected towards another innocent and unfortunate soul, example, me being there to listen and tolerate their projected insults particular aimed at ‘enemies’.

I always say the following to my friends and will continue to hold my ground. The key is to smile to them and do it sincerely. It is not easy to show smile, act of kindness and love towards those you hate, but trust me, miracle do happen and I am glad to say it is tested and proven. Yes indeed it is very bold of me to say that, but I personally experienced it and it worked for me, which explains why I encourage others to do the same. As a saying goes, only love has the power of influencing and changing negative thoughts into positives thoughts. On the other hand, hatred will only succeed in hardening and encouraging your ‘enemy’s’ position.

The wise do not get rid of their ‘enemies’ by returning bad deeds since more ‘enemies’ will be created by this method. From my personal view, the best method perhaps is to overcome those ‘enemies’ by extending goodwill and understanding, recognize the root of the problem. It was Oscar Wilde who once said, “Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.”

Do not expect to see immediate results in the very first time you attempt to smile, act of kindness and love towards the ‘enemies’ and do not be disheartened by this failure but keep on practicing it sincerely. You must have confidence, perseverance and determination to carry on practicing in order someday later to convert ‘enemies’ into friends. By doing so, ‘enemies’ will one day come to appreciate your gentleness and courage; tested and proven

There are 2 things I will address here; Firstly, people suffer more from hatred they carry in their minds and or heart than their ‘enemies’ would to do them. If you wish to get rid of your ‘greatest’ enemy, remove your own anger, frustration and displeasure. Secondly, we are able to learn some thing great if not useful from the so call ‘enemies’. We must give them the benefit of doubt as they could as well be right about ourselves. If we do not pay attention to what they say, instead of being angry with how they say it, we might lose an opportunity to learn and improve ourselves. Sometimes, this revelation might be something of importance. This is because, close friends or even ‘hing tais’ might be of hesitance to tell us of our weaknesses. Do not be overly obsessed or in words I love, attached, to those words, threat is as an opportunity of further human development.

Consider me being lucky, having 2 ‘hing tais’ who were so genuinely told me, right in my face, the weaknesses I posses and till this day, I really appreciate them for stepping into my life.

‘If we perceive things not as problems but rather as opportunities for learning, we can experience a sense of joy and well-being when the lessons are learned. We are never presented with lessons until we are ready to learn them.’
~~Gerald G. Jampolsky "Love Is Letting Go of Fear"~~

The key reason here is not change, but make way for improvements. People tend to give up on things they uphold because of criticism. To me, it does not matter as long as those principles you uphold are honorable and with a lot of courage and patience, one day you will succeed, anywhere for that matter of fact.

Wise Words

Backed by popular demand

"No Chicks, No Life"
~~HL~~

Wise Words

Strong and healthy, who thinks of sickness until it strikes like lightning?
Preoccupied with the world, who thinks of death, until it arrives like thunder?

~~Milarepa~~

My Pointless Life

Looking through the boredom blog of mine, there wasn’t a post attributed solely for myself, how saddening. Actually do I really know myself as to who I really am. Sadly, I am unable to answer that question there and then because I hardly know who this person really is. I can stare in front of the mirror years over but still not capable in any best way to explain myself. Therefore, after some soul searching, I worked out the following.

Carrier
I have no working experience what so ever, no internship, no odd jobs and definitely no expertise. However, if one is to consider the fact; chauffer of my sis, servant to my masters (fluffy and furry), baby boy of my mom and listening consultants to friends, may be considered as working experience, then I am full of it. Writing a resume about 2 months ago was really a pain in the ass. I do not have a freaking idea what to write besides the academic topic, what left was a big empty question mark.

Thanks to my ‘hing tai’ persuasion skills, he manage to get me into his company of which I am quite keen looking forward to work with him. As the saying goes, good friends should not work together, but I really hope it can be a great success and a wonderful story to tell in the future.

Education
For 6 years of my primary education, I changed schools on a total of 3 times. Getting use to a new environment was not an easy thing but I somehow pull through it. Friends come and go as I move places, but the hard thing about it was leaving close friends after settling down in a school.

However, when comes to secondary education, I became the 1 man; 1 school man for 5 years. It was fun at the beginning to brag and boast around to the new people that I studied in 3 different primary schools. Those faces when I told them about it really leave a great deal of laughter in me. After several months, I became bored of my 3 schools story and decided not to mention it ever again unless someone ask me many times over.

After attaining the higher certificate of education, I continued my studies in Taylor’s college twining program with University of Technology Sydney in Australia. I took the Bachelor of Business program majoring finance and marketing, as of to date I am a graduate with the ceremony being held on the 26th September 2006. You guess it right, I am looking forward to it.

Marital Status
Well, in the younger days I have a few strong crushes on girls; whom all of them are Christians (something really wrong here) except for honey.

Many of my crushes say I am too damn nice of a person. Of course I am nice, have to be nice to you because I like you, or else how am I going to score points!! Some of the girls that I like became my ‘close friends’. Once in a blue moon they will call me for a drink or two. But most of these drinking sessions was all about me listening to their stories in regards to their family, relationships and of course pressures from what ever corners.

Dated my 1st girlfriend on the 9th of Nov 2004 but since early 2006 we parted ways. During the time frame, been to and survived the long distance relationship, we did not survive being together however. By the way, she was a Christian too (how saddening).

Current status; Single, Available and Very Desperate (SAVD)

Friends
I have loads of them ranging from all ages, from those who are parents to those who are waiting for their pubic hair to grow. But among these friends, only a significant few can be considered close friends aka buddies aka ‘hing tai’

Ngau; knew him in form 4. Perhaps annoyed the crappiest of the craps out of him. As of to date, he is in Malaysia after studying 2 years in England. When I was lonely, he is there to accompany me yumcha, let me copied his homework and of course withstanding my cigarette smokes. In those 2 years, I really miss him and all the things we did together and really look ahead to see him once I return home.

Luke; got to know this wonderful guy when I was like 13 in a tuition. Instead of listening to the teacher we will talk and talk and talk until time to go home. Came to my school in form 4 and guess what, we were in the same class!!! He and Ngau went to England to further their studies. Come to think about it, I have no idea what he is up to at the moment.

KC; introduced by other friends as haitop (the brand of his school bag, and he really do not like it) in school when I was 13. Finally spoke to him the next year and got a hell of a scolding (I called him HAITOP!!!). We got closer when we left school and entered college. Currently, a PR in NZ, had a great time with him during the summer break, after 2 years missing. Although I we play DOTA and TD recently, it still fell different and the sad part is, he is not returning to Malaysia any time soon.

Uncle Soo; cough like an old man (get the ‘uncle’ now???). 1 sentence to describe him, ”call; he won’t answer, sms; he won’t reply, make appointment; he won’t come, really a FFK king”. But what the hack, still a great person to be with.

CX; knew this great but way too thin fellow who is also currently SA bf (lucky bastard) back in mid of 2003. Influenced me in playing Ragnarok Online which I do not regret. Spend most of the late nights with me yumcha-ing. His appearance in my life was at the perfect trimming. After Ngau left for England, I have no one to yum cha with until I found him. Oh yes, we had many ‘interesting’ conversation which I guess will never happen again, looking at the current situation. Most memorable moment; walking to Mid Valley from my house with a recorded time of 1 hour and 35 minutes.

Steve; knew him back in 2001, my mentor, partner in crime and buddy in crapping anything under the sky. Those days of crapping were indeed the best of the best. As of yesterday, he was also my only friend to say, “I miss you man”

HL; how the hell we knew each other!!!??!!! Knew him about 4 months before I went for the 1st Aussie adventure. Became buddies in less than a month (fastest ever!!!) and still buddies. Perhaps the best buddy I got among the rest (do not mean other buddies not as good). Almost every single free time we had will either be yumcha-ing or snooker-ing. Thanks to him, I had the courage to date my 1st.

G; no idea till this day why she call me hing tai, though I like her once.

Co-curriculum activities
Played a few sports and only 1 phrase describe it, “hopper of all, master of none”.

Started swimming at the age of 5, won gold, 3 silver and 2 bronze medals. To top that up, recorded the fastest time under age 12 category at state level (yeah that’s like 15 years ago), chosen by an English man to swim competitively but stopped because of time constrain (accurately, I was too lazy).

Got into taekwando after stopped swimming. Passed the black belt examination at age 12 and stopped 2 years later. (No point continuing, me no Bruce Lee)

Played badminton at age 11, trained under Ong Beng Tiong, won silver and a bronze at school level. Stopped when I finally got my driving license (yeah baby!!)

Got into bowling business at age 14, no medals but accomplished 4 strikes in a row (*cough* that was the one and only time too)

Snooker was the new found sport since meeting HL, yeah won him once and that’s it (man I suck).

Recorded a 1 hour and 35 minutes for the walk to Mid Valley with CX from my house.

Started smoking when I was like 15 with 7 other schoolmates. As of 2006, I am still smoking and no sign of it stopping in any foreseeable future.

Characteristics
Some people say I am fucker, I am bastard, I am an asshole, of which I do not really give a damn. They can say all they want because these do not stop me from what I do. As honey once said to me, “Be yourself or else this e2e will not be who he is.”

I am an overall lazy bump, which explains why I have no working experience and the extra semester spent in completing the bachelor of business program. For almost 2 months since I completed my studies, all I did for the most part of it was resting in the apartment and not going out, basically rotting on my bed.

Sometimes people say I am an understanding person; a person so full of empathy. And the best part was, I do not know that, all these while I only know that I am a greedy pig. I eat and eat and eat and love eating. In fact I am the unofficial MPPJ of the dinner table; which explains why I can’t lose weight.

As of few years ago, I became somewhat of a very religious person. Like some saying, I found my truth in the religion I chose and tried to practice its teaching in my every day life and failed miserably. Perhaps I need guidance but then again, I am a lazy bump.

I love my baby sister, honestly I see her more than any other people in my family. Almost everyday I fetch her to and from school, tuitions, dancing lessons, drum classes and of course to her friends place. Among the whole family, I guess I am the closest to her beside mum of course. But when she needs help or something, she knows who to turn to though I am very fierce and rigid towards her. I do so because I do not want her to walk the path used by me of which till this day haunts me.

Oh well, that’s what I can think of, to those who so coincidently reading this, please leave a comment or two. And to those who knows e2e in reality, please leave a comment in regards to ME on places where I might miss out in my pointless life.