Does It Matter

Is it really important how people look and judge you? Is there a way out?

I am really not sure how to answer this but I will do my best. Some of my friends can be really stressed out on how other people think, look, judge and talk about them. More specifically I mean by, they can get pretty upset over negative remarks.

Sometimes it is rather difficult to tell a friend that they should not be overly obsessed in how people feel and think about them. Their words, gossips and bad mouthing do not hurt anyone, may be perhaps pride. But instead of taking it as words, people tend to take it very personally, to an extend they themselves start bitching about other people. Sad to say, I am the victim of listening to my friends yelling over their displeasures regarding those so call ‘bad mouthing people’ (enemies) via the msn. Technically, what those people think about others does not hurt, for me at least. However, it really sickens me to hear almost the same story over and over again from different individuals, and this sucks, big time.

It is very common to hear from people bad mouthing someone who is plain nice and friendly. If you pay close attention, you can in point of fact sense that these people are really bitching about someone they actually wanted to be but were unable to do so. Being nice is not a wrong, it is never a flaw and definitely do not make some one nice inferior. One particular friend of mine feels she is at a lost being herself, being nice. Honestly, those people can and may bad mouth all they want, because sooner or later people around them will notice. In my opinion, these people won’t go far in the society. As they bitch about others, they tend to show their weaknesses, weaknesses of who they are not.

‘People blame others for their silence. They also blame those who talk much or in moderation. There is, therefore, no one in this world who is not blamed’
~~Buddha~~

The reaction that I would get as I explore this ‘hatred’ within my friends, the ‘victims’ of insults, is nothing more of an unwholesome and hatred build inside themselves projected towards another innocent and unfortunate soul, example, me being there to listen and tolerate their projected insults particular aimed at ‘enemies’.

I always say the following to my friends and will continue to hold my ground. The key is to smile to them and do it sincerely. It is not easy to show smile, act of kindness and love towards those you hate, but trust me, miracle do happen and I am glad to say it is tested and proven. Yes indeed it is very bold of me to say that, but I personally experienced it and it worked for me, which explains why I encourage others to do the same. As a saying goes, only love has the power of influencing and changing negative thoughts into positives thoughts. On the other hand, hatred will only succeed in hardening and encouraging your ‘enemy’s’ position.

The wise do not get rid of their ‘enemies’ by returning bad deeds since more ‘enemies’ will be created by this method. From my personal view, the best method perhaps is to overcome those ‘enemies’ by extending goodwill and understanding, recognize the root of the problem. It was Oscar Wilde who once said, “Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.”

Do not expect to see immediate results in the very first time you attempt to smile, act of kindness and love towards the ‘enemies’ and do not be disheartened by this failure but keep on practicing it sincerely. You must have confidence, perseverance and determination to carry on practicing in order someday later to convert ‘enemies’ into friends. By doing so, ‘enemies’ will one day come to appreciate your gentleness and courage; tested and proven

There are 2 things I will address here; Firstly, people suffer more from hatred they carry in their minds and or heart than their ‘enemies’ would to do them. If you wish to get rid of your ‘greatest’ enemy, remove your own anger, frustration and displeasure. Secondly, we are able to learn some thing great if not useful from the so call ‘enemies’. We must give them the benefit of doubt as they could as well be right about ourselves. If we do not pay attention to what they say, instead of being angry with how they say it, we might lose an opportunity to learn and improve ourselves. Sometimes, this revelation might be something of importance. This is because, close friends or even ‘hing tais’ might be of hesitance to tell us of our weaknesses. Do not be overly obsessed or in words I love, attached, to those words, threat is as an opportunity of further human development.

Consider me being lucky, having 2 ‘hing tais’ who were so genuinely told me, right in my face, the weaknesses I posses and till this day, I really appreciate them for stepping into my life.

‘If we perceive things not as problems but rather as opportunities for learning, we can experience a sense of joy and well-being when the lessons are learned. We are never presented with lessons until we are ready to learn them.’
~~Gerald G. Jampolsky "Love Is Letting Go of Fear"~~

The key reason here is not change, but make way for improvements. People tend to give up on things they uphold because of criticism. To me, it does not matter as long as those principles you uphold are honorable and with a lot of courage and patience, one day you will succeed, anywhere for that matter of fact.