A Story of 2 – Chapter 5

The names in this story were changed to protect those innocent people who I might offend either directly or indirectly.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Freedom that is what I am looking for in a relationship. It really pisses me off when comes to boy girl love, things I usually do, say and work are restrained from showing its full potential. I hated it and totally dislikes it what so ever.

For 6 months Erin and I been dated and for almost that long time, I felt restrained. It just does not feel right, she have total control over me, the best part was, I am the man in this relationship; simply fantastic. At times when I am busy with work, Erin expects me to call her every now and then, even if I did, it will last no more than 10 minutes. Calling her was no longer a yearning or even of free will. It has begun to creep into the realms of, “I need to”, “I am obliged” and “I am forced to make her happy though I may be superbly tired or stressed out or even both”.

Where happen to me and my needs, desires and wants. If memory serves me right, I was not alone in this relationship and since when I became the servant of her needs, desires and wants. Unhappily, I gave in initially and it did not take long before I begin to hate it.

Happiness in a relationship, from my point of view, is where both party involved, with all their means and efforts, searching and at times comply to each other needs, desires and wants. Giving in at certain moments may be important for those happy sparkles in their eyes. However, imagine giving in all the time with no return or even a prospect of receiving any, I wonder how long can this last. At some point of time, I feel that it was my duty to make her happy but deep down inside me, I felt the pressure, the burden and also the tiredness I had inside me.

Since the day she left, all hell broke loose. I thought that I could once again regain my freedom of becoming a man I use to be, but no, I was wrong, so wrong indeed. I have to call her everyday to report myself, not even mentioning those tons of SMS. Though I may be the man of her dreams, however, a relationship do not only requires love but also those sparks that make it memorable and to die for. It is all about those indescribable feelings and funny little ways that makes it long lasting. Because of the lack of such dept between Erin and me, we broke up in such an ugly manner

Finally, I called for a break up over the phone. No, I am not a coward by breaking up on the phone; she was in Germany at that time, on long term commitment. With those pressures being with her, all those involuntary commitments and now long distance, I have totally enough of this.

Truthfully, I wanted someone who is always there when I need a hug. Someone who is independent but dependent on you for love, that was all I asked for, is that too much to ask?

Though we officially parted ways through the phone, I did not know that Erin will still haunts me in months to come. At the same time, how much I wish Angel was here, just physically here was enough and that is what I wish for. However, I know that I can never be so selfish by having 2 different girls in my heart or dating 2 at the same time. I know I had to make a decision, a real quick and wise decision before I go totally insane with Erin bugging me for reconciliation.

All this while, Harry was the one there hearing and giving suggestive feedbacks. He was the one who went through thick and thin with me during the entire course leading to the break up with Erin. He was the only person who was able to understand me and also the person who I am able to turn to.